Chapter 2 – Get Out of That Pit

Get Out of That Pit
Chapter 2
When You’re Thrown Into a Pit

Ok, is it me or does it seem like this book is hitting some things right on the head? I have received SO many emails and comments from chicks all over the globe who are participating with us in this Book Study and the overwhelming consensus is that “I really need this book right now!”

I wanted to hit a few “highlighter” items in the book before we dive into the Personal Application section.

Check out on page #27 where it says, Make no mistake. A pit offers ready residence to the rich and poor alike. Pain couldn’t care less about your social status. All bleed when they’re cut…unless they’re finally bled out.” OUCH!!

Oh, and on page #29 she says, “Of all three ways to get into a pit, getting thrown in – not by something but by someone – can be the most complicated to deal with emotionally and spiritually.”

And this one is more personal to me (I think because I can relate to this one SO much and so recently) on page #30, “What about times when a person has been used by the enemy to throw us in a pit, and he or she remains close by, lives on as if nothing has ever happened (eating, working, playing, going to church, etc.), sees our distress and anguish, but will not hear us?

But…the redeeming highlighter moment happened at the end of the chapter on page #47 when she said, “Beloved, let this one sink in deeply: if God allowed you to be thrown into a pit, you weren’t picked on; you were picked out. (Raising hands and screaming AMEN!!! ~Melissa) God entrusted that suffering to you because He has faith in you. Live up to it. All the way up. (Can I hear a mighty amen sisters? Is that powerful or what?)

Now let’s dig in to the Personal Application
(This is where you come in…your comments, thoughts, and concerns will be needed for these questions. I will post the thoughts and ideas from the LIVE! Group session and am looking forward to hearing from YOU!)

1) If someone has thrown you into a pit of innocence, where are you now, in terms of getting out and finding that “firm place to stand” that psalmist talked about? Stuck in the mud and mire? Working your way out? Standing on a rock?
– I am working my way out (she says while she dances around in her chair)

– I am starting to take care of ME first, quiet time, exercise, reading my Bible
– I tend to climb up a bit then slide back down
– I tend to stay in the pit for a bit because I am afrain of what’s outside the pit
– I’m working on climbing my way out so I can climb upon the rock!
2) Have you ever felt “comfortable” living in a pit? If so, why was this true for you at the time?
– You know what’s down there
– Fear of the unknown
– It’s safe there
– You can become complacent about what’s going on in your life
3) Has the “willingness” and “power” of forgiveness ever been something you have experienced? If so, describe the circumstances and the outcome.
– not really but I want to
– my mom was the BEST teacher about this. She forgave my dad after he decided to walk away from their marriage. They were divorced and she picked up everything and moved us kids to the United States so we would have a better life. She never called my dad her “EX”, but instead chose to focus on the positive saying “The Father of My Children”, and that really impressed me.
– well, to be honest, I want to forgive, but I am struggling with it. I need to release it to HIM.
4) “We can be in a pit innocently even if we haven’t always been innocent.” What does this statement mean to you, in terms of our feelings of guilt?
– I’ve made mistakes in my parenting of my son, but he has thrown me into a pit innocently.
– No matter how stinky things you’ve done you don’t deserve to stay in the pit!
– There are so many different types of pits.
5) “Your wealth of experience makes you rich. Spend it on people.” How might God use your own suffering to help or heal others?
Divorce of my parents, moving to this country when I was16…this was a huge growth process for me. But it has also shaped me to be the woman I am today.
– Praying for God to show me how to use this experience for Him (Widows with Stilettos). Most people think of widows as older women…I am only 27 years old.
– I know that Romans 8:28 is so true so I try to realize that if I have been in a pit it was for a reason and I should use it to encourage others.

Trying to forgive the Pit Pushers,


  1. I read Chap. 2 but I can’t relate to what it was about unless I am just blocking it out. I certainly don’t think anyone has done anything terrible to me that has put me in a pit. I will have to keep digesting it because I feel like I am just not getting it.

  2. 1) I’m standing on the Rock, but boy, have I been pushed into a pit–by a couple who should have given blessing to me, to our family. We daily forgive–and honestly, it may indeed be the case of leaving father, mother, brother, and sister to follow Christ. I choose mercy over them. It is FOR me to do so.

    2) No, I have never since I have been in Christ been comfortable with being in a pit. I have been always acutely aware of the pit.

    3) Yes, the outcome has been peace…and blessing. There is nothing like it. Freedom indeed!

    4) It means that just because I;m in a pit doesn’t mean that God has it in for me. I may be completely in a pit and be completely forgiven of huge, heaping sin.

    5) As best I can and without specifics, I tell others. I tell them that they need to be obedient to Christ and forgive. Also, I tel them that this side of Heaven may never bring about a right-ness to the situation. I am clean before God…even when someone may say that I’m not.

    So good and just what I needed this week! Thanks Mel, for hosting this!! Love you Sister!

  3. A pit of innocence? ah yes! Been there! Can totally relate! After I was thrown in I settled there and made a nice comfortable home. Lived there for years until God began to shine a light to help me see I was good and stuck!

    You know I was totally comfortable living there because it was all I knew. I was a young girl when thrown in and it was home. It seemed safe there, a place I knew.

    The problem? Even though I was innocent when I was thrown in the longer I lived there the less innocent I became. Living in the mud and mire eventually causes the mud to stick to you and it’s all you see. When I looked into the mirror all could see is mud. Mud seemed to be everywhere and no matter how much I would scrub there was still mud.

    But then God reached down and began to clean the mud off. God helped me realize the He “allowed me to be thrown into a pit, I wasn’t picked on; you were picked out.” He didn’t just stand there and not care, He could have raised his hand and stopped it, but he had begger plans… “God entrusted that suffering to me because He had faith in me.” (Raising hands and screaming AMEN!!! with you Melissa!!)

    Ladies it’s not easy to come to that point…it’s only God – learning to trust each step along the way as He leads…

  4. Oh! I wanted to share my answer to number 5 and forgot :-/

    God has given me a heart and passion for women who are still living in bondage to their past. I want to reach out to women who don’t understand that they can be free and help them walk to freedom. I believe it’s because of what I’ve been through, living in the depths of the pit, that God lead me into Women’s Ministry.

    Thank you Melissa!!

  5. I am really enjoying this book. The section on Joseph was really interesting.
    1. I have been blessed in my life in that thus far I have never been thrown into a pit.
    2. There was a time when our church was having all kinds of issues, that I was in the pit. I was angry with the situation, but didn’t realize that I was in a pit. People were divided and I thought my “side” was 100% right and the others were 100% wrong. I thought I was pretty happy being “right” down there in my pit.
    3. In the above situation, once I decided to forgive, I was also impressed with my part in this situation. I am now friends with people I could barely talk to during those awful years. God is great!
    4.I thought that section was interesting too, because I can be pretty good at blaming myself for things that go wrong, even though in me head I know it’s not my fault.
    5. Anytime you go through something and are able to move past it, you should share with others who may be in the same situation. You may be a blessing to them just because they have someone who understands, but also may bring hope to them.
    I’m looking forward to chapter 3!

  6. Forgiving, when I had been wronged, was very hard for me. The person who wronged me was the very last person I ever would have thought could do such a thing. Part of my forgiving and climbing out of my pit years ago was I realized I had put THAT person on a throne instead of Christ. That was sin on my part.

    I was never comfortable in the pit, and was determined to get out and doubledly determined NEVER to get back in another pit.

    I do know the experiences I have gone through is part of what makes up my ministry to younger woman now and realize it was definately something God allowed (not caused).

  7. I am loving this book ! These two sentences struck me …page 33. Forgiveness is not about feeling. It’s about willing SOOO TRUE!

    And the story about Kendall … woah ! Made me cry !! What a lesson Beth learned from that experience. God cannot – does not – wrong His children.

    1.) I was thrown into a pit about 11/12 years ago. BUT I AM NOT IN THAT PIT ANYMORE !! In fact, I didn’t stay in it very long. BUT … the temptation to get back into that very safe place where I could be angry and place blame was always lurking around the corner.

    2.) I don’t know … I think as soon as I realize I’m in a pit ( I have had lots along the way – some of them that I jump into by accident ! ) it becomes uncomfortable and I’m immediately looking for ways to get out … that’s my personality.

    3.) Yes … for sure. I can’t go into details as it’s not only my story to share. BUT I can tell you that it was totally up to me to forgive. AND it was a daily … sometimes more than once a day … choice to do it ! A daily choice that lasted for at least a year. BUT now I don’t have to forgive daily … because the hurt has been healed. The memories remain but the hurt doesn’t. The relationships have been restored. I think the forgiveness, in this case, has been made complete.

    4.) I think this has to do with the grace of God. Sometimes it is hard to accept His grace when we feel like we don’t deserve it … when we’ve done things in our past that make us feel guilty … even once we know we’ve been forgiven.

    5.) God has already used the situation in #3 to help two people in similar situations ! I have shared it with others but you know, sometimes people just choose to stay in their pits !

  8. I have began reading the book. There was such a buzz about that book, I wasn’t sure it would be worth it. But it is such an important book. So true, so right on the spot!

  9. Hi Mel,

    I dug my book out and have been reading along with you guys. I haven’t read Chapter #2 yet but will catch. Glad you reminded me I had this book so I could recue it from underneath the stack on my nightstand!

  10. Bonnie, that is SO cool…you have to show me how you did that!!!

    I have had so many people asking me to have it in one spot so they can read them all but don’t really know how to do that…



  11. Ladies,

    These are some great answers!!! Thank you SO much for your transparency with this.

    I truly believe the only way we can get out of the pit with 1) with Him helping us, and 2) by being completely honest (with ourselves and those around us).

    You guys make me stronger each and every day…

    I will be back later on today with the responses from yesterday’s LIVE! group. WOW! (that’s all I can say!)


  12. 1. I think right now, I may be out of the pit or almost out… but may be on my tip toes leaning over and looking down at it…

    Old habits of thinking can return easily if not dealt with.

    2.I didn’t even realize that I was living in a pit…, It was all that I knew. I believed lies.

    3. Yes, you have to forgive-yourself and others… I have to make myself not have the victim mentality… again exposing lies… that because something happened it is your fault or if it WAS that you do not have to be defined by that moment of weakness. Our God is a do-over God.

    4.Guilt and shame had a stangle hold on me for years until I realized that that came from the devil. God convicts not condemns.

    life is such a process, isn’t it?

  13. There is a theme lately. When I was pregnant with #1, God said to me – you will have a son (I did) and you are to name him Joseph, his name will have great meaning to you. Well the story of Joseph has been coming up from a number of angles, and you know from the start my son has had struggles, socially, behaviourally and he has had to overcome a lot of rejection in his young years – he is really starting to shine now, he is prophetically gifted too..interesting.

    I was molested as a child and can say with 100% assuredness that I am free from any upsetting memory, ‘pit dwelling’ on that score – God did an awesome thing – I KNOW God can free others. I was married to husband #1 for 7 years, I jumped into that pit (no disrespect to him). I had to walk a hard path, God healed me over the years. Another pit out of. I’ve had to laugh because in recent years some think I have this cruisy, cushy, problem free life. Would I know what a problem was? Well that is testimony to God.

  14. I´m feeling a bit left out reading all these comments because I ordered my book in the states and I live in Spain and am still waiting for it!! I haven´t been visiting for a while and realize thatyou guys are already in chapt four…so I think I will just have to check back on all these things once I get the book even though I would prefer to be doing it with all of you NOW!

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