All day today I have been in a tug of war with God about what I wanted to write about today…there were THREE different things that have been rolling around in my head, but one of them seems to be SCREAMING at me to discuss. Again, I want to preface this by saying that this is so not very easy for me…being in ministry for years has taught me how to “wear the mask” that everything is good, not to complain, not to make waves, etc…but to be quite honest God just didn’t make me that way so here we go on another adventure.
Ok, here’s the deal…I know that people are human, and that “as the Scriptures say, No one is good, not even one”, but how do you move past the hurt, pain, rejection, fear, and betrayal of a friend (or in my case, many friends)? I have prayed, given it over to God, begged Him to release me from it, but the reality is that the pain is still there.
I read on another blog of a fairly well known music Pastor’s wife a post a couple months ago about their move across the US and how all their best friends said they would be there for them, keep in touch with them, etc. and well…they weren’t.
I know people are people (great now I have that Tears for Fears song in my head) and we are built to have relationships and community, but why does it have to hurt so bad?
In my case when I left my ministry position at the church I had tons of friends, people that said they “had my back”, people that I did everything with (we did life together), and people that I thought I would grow old with, and now where are they? I keep thinking of that Jody Whatley song in the 80’s (Friends will let you down, Friends won’t be around, when you need them most where are your friends?)…do you remember that song? (I know I know, it is kind of a depressing theme with a great beat…ha!)
Seriously, I am not trying to be negative, but I am trying to be honest…how many times do we “brush it under the rug” and move on with our tails between our legs? I totally don’t expect anything from any of the people that I need to forgive, because in all reality they have moved on and I am the one who is still hurt.
So, how do you do move to forgiving? For me I guess I have just laid it at the foot of the Cross and asked for healing, for forgiveness, and for peace. I know that it is not an overnight thing (not by any means) and that it has to start with me. A very good and wise friend of mine sat me down and she said, “Melissa, you have to start with your head first, then your heart will follow.” That is GREAT advice, don’t you think?
Now, here I am, starting with my head first, knowing that soon my heart will follow, and all the while putting myself back out there to make new friends. Is it easy, nope? Does it need to happen, you betcha. Will God use everything that has happened for His Glory, praise God YES!!!
What about you?
How do you move past the hurt and pain that was caused by friends?
Have you put yourself back out there to make new friends?
Have you forgiven those who have let you down?
Thanks again for allowing me to share from the heart. It is not an easy thing to do…you want people to see that you have it “all together”. But, the reality is that I don’t, and chances are you don’t either. Let’s drop the façade and just be ourselves. I want to be the BEST Melissa I can be and I know that as long as I “passionately pursue God’s purpose every day” then I am right where I need to be.
Last week I got some really great emails from those of you who could relate to the search for a new church home…I would just like to encourage you to email me again if you need prayers or have something that you would like to be discussed in one of our Transparent Tuesday posts. Thanks for allowing me to be me…email me HERE!
PS – Please please please do not email me to tell (or yell) at me for struggling with forgiveness (and I am not saying that any of you would do that, but…). I am posting these types of posts to try and build AUTHENTIC community. Let’s share. Love. and Care for each other.
Blessings to you,