Transparent Tuesday – Abnormal
Welcome to Transparent Tuesday!
I purposefully did not post last week because I had to figure out if this was something that I wanted to do or what God wanted me to do, and guess what…Here I am.
I had some tests done recently and when the GYN called (not really a good sign, ever) to talk to me I knew what was coming next. You see, for about 5 years I didn’t take very good care of myself. Oh yeah, I worked at a church, I walked the walk, but I was stressed out, maxed out, a work-aholic, a perfectionist, and almost never took the time to do the most important stuff. I was driven by someone else’s demands and took my eyes off the prize for which God was trying to direct me to. During this time I never went to the doctor for my annual exams, even though I had a pre-existing lump and knew that I should be checked every year.
I made every excuse in the book…between my crazy work hours, my stressed out hectic lifestyle, and being a wife, mom, friend, etc. I just never found (ha!) the time to go and take care of me. Shame on me!!! I would drop everything for my kids, my husband, and always my job but never stopped long enough for myself. Why do we, as women, do that?
Why is EVERYONE else more important than ourselves?If I serve more, give more, do more, meet more, schedule more, stay busy more, more…more…more…then I will be ____________, well, you fill in the blank. Never once dropping the “or” [more] and letting the “me” come together, I was completely out of balance!
So, during this season of walking in the wilderness God has totally rocked my world. He has forced me into a season of rest, of quiet, of seeking, and of healing. I can’t lie to you, it has not been fun at all, but one thing has prevailed during this time and that has been Him. He has taught me to start taking care of “me” again. I scheduled all the doctor’s appointments I never had time to go to, blood work, physicals, annual “girl” appointments, etc. I was not the least bit surprised 6 months ago when my mammogram AND my PAP smear came back “Abnormal”.
Thankfully they didn’t come back abnormal at the same time, I went through all the steps for the mammo, ultrasound, surgeon, etc. and was thankfully released with a “we will watch, monitor, and come back yearly” speech. Thank you! Then the same day I was cleared from the surgeon I get a letter from the GYN saying my Pap came back abnormal. As I sat and wept to God asking Him, why God, why now, He gently and tenderly whispered to me that He was there (John 16:32 says, “Yet I am not alone for my Father is with me”) with me.
At this point my mind is running wild with what if’s; is this why God, what do I need to do, all those crazy things that we let our mind run away with. I was scheduled for a “procedure” to go in and take some of the “pre-cancerous” cells out to have them tested. Sounds simple enough, but yikes, it is not fun nor is it anything I would like to do again. I met with the doc a couple of weeks later to find out that all was well within range and that she would see me in 6 months. WHAT?!?!
So, here I am today…I went back in for another test and guess what??? More “ABNORMAL!”; not that I should be surprised. You can’t neglect your body for 5 years and expect everything to be normal. Yesterday I had that same procedure done (yep…again!) and although it has knocked the wind out of me for a couple days I have complete peace in knowing that as long as I do my part and be “OBEDIENT” then God will take over from there and He will guide me and protect me.
I’m not really crazy about being “Abnormal”, but as I get older there is more to me than meets the eye, and you know what…I think I am starting to actually like being Abnormal (a little). To be quite honest, I think Normal is seriously overrated! Don’t you!
So friends, if there is one thing I want you to walk away with today it’s this…PLEASE drop the “or” in more [more] and let the “me” come together for a little while. Take care of yourself, go to the doctors, take time for you, have time with God. When you feel yourself start to get out of balance stop what you are doing and seek God’s direction in your path. We may not be normal ever again, but you know what, I like being Abnormal!
Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world (being normal), but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Love to be Abnormal,
Mel, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had to deal with these medical issues. I know they are not pleasant. I will be praying that there are no more abnormal results from tests and that you will recover well from your most recent procedure.
Over the 6 months or so I have been walking a similar road as you in having to learn to take care of me. It isn’t always fun, but it is easier when I allow God to guide me and direct my paths.
Thanks so much for sharing this today… I know it probably wasn’t one of the easier posts you have written.
Thanks for visiting me over the weekend.
Have a great Tuesday!
Sorry to hear this. I know exacly what you say when we neglect ourselves because we are too busy taking care of others…..
xoxoxo
Ivy
Eek, you got me on this one, girl. First of all, I am so sorry to hear all of the struggles you are dealing with. God is with you and everything is in His hands. Praise God for that.
I’m a busy one, as you know, and usually I am the last one who gets any attention. I am overdue for physicals and doctor’s appointments, mammograms and pretty much everything. I do try to live a balanced life and take care of myself, but I am sometimes spreading things a little too thin. I forget things I should do in the sea of busyness. I thrive on busyness, but sometimes it gets ridiculous.
Thanks for the reminder to slow down and take care of ME.
Take care, and keep us posted on how you are.
Blessings,
Melissa
Love the way you look at things!
Mel, thank you so much for checking in on me!! Yesterday and today both went fine, except I’m feeling ‘abnormal’ myself today…some pain, but that comes with the fibromyalgia I suppose!
I’ve decided that normal is overrated myself!!
Thanks again for thinking of me!! It means the world to me!
Oh Mel, you are so right! I feared the doctor and had a lump in my breast that eventually turned out to be nothing (like most of the abnormal things), but you’re right – staying on top of it is truly half the battle.
Sending prayers and thoughts your way my friend.
oh my! I can so relate to you! 5 years ago, I also worked full time in my church and ran the WMS for my section… I too neglected my body and family… then God shook up my world and allowed me to fall flat on my butt into a season of calm, reflection, and to refocus… AND this was and still is not an easy season to go through. God has allowed me to realize that my family is my first calling… This, after 2 miscarriages and a bout with anxiety and depression… I love your blog and I’ll be back for more!
Humbled and in awe…that is about all I can say…
I am so truly blessed to have so many amazing bloggy buddies. When I wrote this today I was feeling a little down and defeated. I called my good buddy Sue (at Praise and Coffee) and had a marvelous conversation that changed the course of the day for me.
I am overwhelmed with your love, prayers, and support…please please please, if you haven’t been to the GYN lately get on the phone and make the appointment.
I have 100% faith that my results will come back fine, and even if they don’t I rest in His grace and mercy each and every day either way.
Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough…
Melissa
Hi Mel,
Wow, this is my first time visiting your blog and I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this. I agree with you that it’s so important to take care of yourself. I think that women in general do this a lot – give to everyone else except themselves.
Even though this isn’t a good thing for you to be going through thank you for sharing it with us. It’s a good reminder to each of us to take care of our health today. Keep on keepin’ on, the body has a miraculous way of healing itself. 🙂
Mel,
I can totally relate to this post. In my early 20’s I had the same thing happen. 3 times. Only my mom had a complete hysterectomy at 23 due to cancer, so I am high risk and the doctors freaked out. I had a few different “procedures” to remove precancerous cells. It ended up leaving me with an incompetent cervix, which is why they think I miscarried the first time and why I had a cerclage for each subsequent pregnancy. Oh the things we women go through 🙂
Sorry you are having to go through this, but sometimes it happens even when you do take care of yourself, so don’t beat yourself up too much.
Praying for you.
I haven’t stopped by your blog for awhile…but I am glad I did today. Guess what…..I am abnormal also. I have been for almost a year now, and I also “enjoyed” having that fine procedure done where that cut out your insides!
But rest assured, I always go for my annual pap and I still have issues.
I freaked out at first also, but it has been a good thing….the more I freak out, the more I also learn about trusting God and understanding more about His peace in my life.
Love to be Abnormal also. 🙂
I go back at the end of the summer, 6 months after my last abnormal pap. BTW, my GYN suggested taking CoQ10, a natural immune system fighter, she said hopefully my immune system can fight off the abnormal cells on their own.
I can totally relate but not with girl issues, mine is dental in nature.
I still have not found a dentist for us here & we didn’t have one where we lived before either. I’ve taken my oldest to a mobile clinic for kids but it was so traumatic for him I never did it with the others.
This has been hanging over my head for years, I feel like a neglectful mom & I know I’m not taking good care of myself (or mmy hubby) either.
Finding a dentist is the last thing on my ‘to do after the move’ list…when did we move? September.
Guess it’s time to get off my fanny!
Oh Mel, sorry I’m just now reading this. As a breast cancer survivor, I KNOW the fears, anxiety, etc. that tries to take over. But you know what, almost immediately I felt the peace. Knowing God holds us in His righteous right hand is such a comfort. I’ll be praying for you. I’m here if you need to talk.
Hugs sweet friend!
Kat