Welcome to Transparent Tuesday!
I purposefully did not post last week because I had to figure out if this was something that I wanted to do or what God wanted me to do, and guess what…Here I am.
I had some tests done recently and when the GYN called (not really a good sign, ever) to talk to me I knew what was coming next. You see, for about 5 years I didn’t take very good care of myself. Oh yeah, I worked at a church, I walked the walk, but I was stressed out, maxed out, a work-aholic, a perfectionist, and almost never took the time to do the most important stuff. I was driven by someone else’s demands and took my eyes off the prize for which God was trying to direct me to. During this time I never went to the doctor for my annual exams, even though I had a pre-existing lump and knew that I should be checked every year.
I made every excuse in the book…between my crazy work hours, my stressed out hectic lifestyle, and being a wife, mom, friend, etc. I just never found (ha!) the time to go and take care of me. Shame on me!!! I would drop everything for my kids, my husband, and always my job but never stopped long enough for myself. Why do we, as women, do that?Why is EVERYONE else more important than ourselves?
If I serve more, give more, do more, meet more, schedule more, stay busy more, more…more…more…then I will be ____________, well, you fill in the blank. Never once dropping the “or” [more] and letting the “me” come together, I was completely out of balance!
So, during this season of walking in the wilderness God has totally rocked my world. He has forced me into a season of rest, of quiet, of seeking, and of healing. I can’t lie to you, it has not been fun at all, but one thing has prevailed during this time and that has been Him. He has taught me to start taking care of “me” again. I scheduled all the doctor’s appointments I never had time to go to, blood work, physicals, annual “girl” appointments, etc. I was not the least bit surprised 6 months ago when my mammogram AND my PAP smear came back “Abnormal”.
Thankfully they didn’t come back abnormal at the same time, I went through all the steps for the mammo, ultrasound, surgeon, etc. and was thankfully released with a “we will watch, monitor, and come back yearly” speech. Thank you! Then the same day I was cleared from the surgeon I get a letter from the GYN saying my Pap came back abnormal. As I sat and wept to God asking Him, why God, why now, He gently and tenderly whispered to me that He was there (John 16:32 says, “Yet I am not alone for my Father is with me”) with me.
At this point my mind is running wild with what if’s; is this why God, what do I need to do, all those crazy things that we let our mind run away with. I was scheduled for a “procedure” to go in and take some of the “pre-cancerous” cells out to have them tested. Sounds simple enough, but yikes, it is not fun nor is it anything I would like to do again. I met with the doc a couple of weeks later to find out that all was well within range and that she would see me in 6 months. WHAT?!?!
So, here I am today…I went back in for another test and guess what??? More “ABNORMAL!”; not that I should be surprised. You can’t neglect your body for 5 years and expect everything to be normal. Yesterday I had that same procedure done (yep…again!) and although it has knocked the wind out of me for a couple days I have complete peace in knowing that as long as I do my part and be “OBEDIENT” then God will take over from there and He will guide me and protect me.
I’m not really crazy about being “Abnormal”, but as I get older there is more to me than meets the eye, and you know what…I think I am starting to actually like being Abnormal (a little). To be quite honest, I think Normal is seriously overrated! Don’t you!
So friends, if there is one thing I want you to walk away with today it’s this…PLEASE drop the “or” in more [more] and let the “me” come together for a little while. Take care of yourself, go to the doctors, take time for you, have time with God. When you feel yourself start to get out of balance stop what you are doing and seek God’s direction in your path. We may not be normal ever again, but you know what, I like being Abnormal!
Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world (being normal), but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.”Love to be Abnormal,