Transparent Tuesday – Reflecting
Is it me or are there just days where you just are in a “reflective” mood? I mean you are content, you are peaceful, and yet there is a longing that just drives you to stop and try and figure it out. The only problem is that most of the time we don’t really know what “IT” is, do we?
For all intense and purposes everything is good. You can’t even list all the blessings in your life because they are too numerous and yet there “IT” is again, nagging you, almost like a dog that is on a long chain in the yard. Everything is good when the doggie is within the range of his leash, but as soon as he drifts a little too far he is yanked back into her predetermined amount of space.
Hum…what does that mean?
I have been blessed with a season of REST (like I spoke a little about in the Speak to My Soul Sunday post) for the last 9 months. What started out as hurtful, ugly, and full of pain has turned out to be a season of tremendous spiritual growth, discipline, and love. I liken it to Joseph when he said, Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” And yet I am very clear in the fact that my life is worth nothing without God in it.
I know that God has called me to teach, preach, write, and share the gospel with others. I know that He gave me gifts, talents, and skills that I will need to get there, and yet I am plagued with questions, “What if”, “How”, “Why me”, etc. My heart’s desire is to serve Him passionately with every bit of my heart and soul, and yet at the same time I just don’t know if it is really God calling me to that or my own fleshly desire. I long to be used by Him, and yet doubt my own abilities to be a vessel that He could or would use.
I am a HUGE believer in God speaking to us through our DREAMS. One of my favorite sayings is “Dream Big, God does” (I wrote that believe it or not) and yet why is it that we let fear, anxiety, and doubt hold us back?
I can’t quite figure out why there is this “covered road map” in my life, but I know that God is not finished with me and while I sit and figure out how, why, what, and all the other questions that go along with it, I have to rest in the fact that He, the Creator of the Universe, in His infinite wisdom knew that I would wrestle with this almost my whole life. I have always known there is still a part of my life that has not been started yet, now I get to sit, dream, pray, and wait for God to show me what is next.
What about you?
I guess my question to you would be this…
What is that GOD SIZED DREAM that you have on your heart?
and
What’s stopping you from going after it?
This is a safe place…I would love to share in your DREAMS and encourage you to chase after them…I know it can be hard, and even scary to write them down, but acknowledging them can be the first step towards the beginning of an amazing journey.
Enjoy the Journey,
I’ve not much thought about it really. I mean, I’ve got goals like learn to scuba dive someday & stuff like that, but nothing like a life changing big something-or-other.
I guess I need some rest time to think about it 🙂
I think I have gone after several of my dreams due to my DH who is simply someone who pursues his dreams. He’s pushed me to also pursue mine.
But you’re right, we do so often dream then pull back.
I think this is a great reflective post!
🙂 Susan
Ok so seriously here I sit in a funk not knowing what is going on lately. Read your blog and boom there it is again that … WAIT.
Ugh why is it so hard to sit still?
My biggest dream was to be a WIfe and Mom and God has giving me that great opportunity. Yet I feel there is something else God wants me to accomplish … just don’t know what it is yet good thing He does. Hey maybe it’s travelling the world with my friend when she jumps on the Woman of Faith circuit? 🙂
Guess for now I will sit and wait gorwing and learning more about Him
Believe it or not…what held me back was my own darn self-doubt. After much pray and long talks with my hubby. (who by the way is the best cheerleader around) I am done listening to it. I believe the devil is very crafty. He gets joy out of me doubting what the LORD and created me to do. So, now I don’t allow it in.
If you only knew… I could have written this post… it’s like you took the words and thoughts right out of my head. We need to talk 🙂
It is comforting to know someone else feels this way and I’m not crazy.
Melissa this was a wonderful, reflective post! I so often feel like what you’ve discribed!!!
I find it so hard to pursue dreams that I think God has given because I’m always wondering if they are really from God or my own mind! And yet some of the things I’ve been led to do recently (like speaking at a retreat) is not something I would have imagined myself doing…so it must be God!
Because I’m a breast cancer survivor, I have found that my trust in God…placing myself firming in His hands…is something I hope to show to others that might be going through a scary time, whether it’s health related or something else. What a comfort to me to know I do not need to fear. God is with me NO MATTER WHAT.
Hugs!
Kat
Very good post. Makes one think. In life I have had opportunities to attend college. I was five classes shy of being a Licensed Practical Nurse. Then first husband was going to finish school. Then kids happen, life happens, death happens, years pass, go to school again and am just overwhelmed with trying to study and raise children and so on. I am happy with my family, just wish I would have continued the education when I was younger. Some classes are just way too difficult now.
I am SO there!!! Just when I think I have gotten past it, something happens and I am pulled right back in – bungee-cord style – and left wondering if God has anything planned for my life and if I was just fooling myself for 15 years. I have so many dreams and desires, but I am stuck in the waiting room of life. It stinks! This morning, as I was driving to work and crying because I hate it so much, the song, “Everything Glorious” came on and reminded me that He can make everything glorious – even my crappy job and my dreams for something more.
My God sized dream is coming to fruition, and it still scares me to death! For years, I have wanted to go back to school and get my Master’s Degree to be a Reading Specialist. I finally have started the ball rolling, but I keep thinking,”What am I getting myself into?? Can I really do this??” But yet I know that God has been the One nudging me forward, so with His help, I CAN do it! Right?! LOL